ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
