3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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