I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
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I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
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He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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