i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
