Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
