all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone says I win the strip club
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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