He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The maid of honor just puked.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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