I want to have your abortion
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
