you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
