I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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