i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
