I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize
