that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
