yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
