I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
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I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
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Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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