So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
