the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
