i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
