he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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