Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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