batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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