The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
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being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
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smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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