Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
