Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
