Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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