Where is the hickey?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
