did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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