i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
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Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
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