Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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