Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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