does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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