i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
