Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
