Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
