Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
