a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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