Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
