I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
