I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
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You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
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I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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