ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
