Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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