Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
