i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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