maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He's a Shit stain on my heart
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
