The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
there is glitter all over my balls
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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