Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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