dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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