God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
