she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
