i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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