Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
