Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We are two peas in an std pod
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
