I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
