do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You're a waste of cheezeits
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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