why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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