Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
