I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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