i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
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I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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