I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
