I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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