If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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