Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
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Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
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I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize