thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
