In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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