He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
