If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
