I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
