I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
